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Gossip & Giggles with T!
I was having a conversation with a friend about blogging and she was scared to tell her friends and family about her blog because she scared of what they may think.
It really made me think back to when I started my blog, and even to the other day when I uploaded my first youtube video, I was terrified.
When I was 13 years old I got put forward to sit my English Language GCSE, early entry. I knew as soon as we were told that we were doing it I was not going to do well. English had never been a strong subject for me, and because of that it really knocked my confidence. I thought I was no good at it so I turned the class into a joke. I would sit and eat food, joke about, not pay attention… and I did all of that because I didn’t want people to believe I was not good at English. I was in the top class, I had always got good, if not excellent grades in all my other subjects, and people would ask me for help. I was so scared and embarrassed at what they may think of me.
I remember a few or so weeks after sitting the exam we were all in that English class, and our teacher called us up one by one telling us what she thought we may have got. I was literally shaking because I didn’t want to know. When it was my turn I walked over and I sat on the chair beside her and she told me I got a “U”. I remember feeling so disappointed with myself because I knew I was bad but to get a “U”, was just awful. She said that I wasn’t good at English and that I’ll have to sit the foundation paper next time, which meant the highest I would get is a “C”. I had lost all my confidence, and I was so upset knowing that that was the only option.
I walked back to my seat, which is where my group of friends was, and everyone around me was talking in their groups about what they got and I couldn’t take it. When my friends asked me what I got, I remember welling up and then I started crying. I think I only ever cried 3 times at that school: the day I left, when a teacher grabbed my arm after an injection, and then this time. All I could think about was what are my family and my friends going to think when I tell them? I knew what I thought of myself and I didn’t want them to think of me like that too.
But I did it, I told them, and they were all there for me. It wasn’t necessarily a surprise or a shock that they were because they always have been. But, it certainly made me feel a lot better knowing that they didn’t think any different of me. They told me that there’s always a second chance, that the grade she thinks I got may not be the grade I get and that it can’t get any lower than a “U”, so I could only get a grade that is better. But, most of all they said that it’s ok and that I was only in year 9, I still had two years to improve.
And that’s what I did. I went and got my results on results day and I got a “D” I was over the moon. Although it wasn’t the grade that a lot of places ask for, a “D” is so much better than a “U”. That September I moved schools. I was honest with my teachers. I told them that I didn’t think I was that good, and they helped me improve. They gave me harsh but honest feedback on my work and most importantly they believed I could do it. They gave me the confidence to write, to believe in what I am writing, and to not be afraid.
If I am afraid of what others think then I would never be able to do the one thing that I enjoy most. If friends and family don’t support that or judge you based on the things you are writing about, then are they really the people you want in your life?
Don’t get me wrong, I am sure my friends and family probably sit at home thinking, “why is Tia writing about this?” and “Oh gosh, her punctuation is appalling” but, they know that I love doing this, that what I write about is what I enjoy writing about.
Friends and Family don’t have to be apart of this side of your life, they shouldn’t feel the need to read your blog because they’re friends or they’re related to you. They should read it because they want to or that they find what you’re writing about is interesting.
It doesn’t matter that they don’t read what you write either, they’ll always be supportive of you, and they’ll be impressed and happy that you’re doing something you enjoy.
Write, because what YOU want to write! Write, because YOU enjoy writing!
My response to my friend was “Just tell them! Your blog is where you can be expressive and where you can write! You shouldn’t feel embarrassed for doing something you enjoy. If you wanted to pursue a career as a doctor, would you tell your friend and family?”
She continued to tell me what she hates the feeling of being judged or feeling stupid for writing about certain things, so I told her: “I felt the exact same thing but I told myself that writing is my passion and what I love doing more than anything. So, when I write, I write about things I enjoy. If my family doesn’t like it or they find it funny or ridiculous, then that’s on them. They don’t have to read it.”
Don’t be afraid to go after what you want in life, whether that’s writing, making YouTube videos, fashion designing… because you’re afraid of what people may think.
At the end of the day, there are three types of people – one lot who will support you in what you choose to do, because they love you. The second lot are the people who support the work you do – because they love whatever it is you are doing. That could be the dress you designed, the video you created or the book you wrote. The last lot are the people who will never support you, this could be because they are jealous, they are afraid to go after what they want in life, or simply because they don’t like you. Not everyone in this world is going to like you or support you and that is something that you’ll have to accept.
Go after what it is you want because you don’t want to be living your life regretting that you never did!
I got a “B” in my English Language GCSE, at the end of year 11. In those two years, I fell in love with writing and reading. I found confidence in myself again to write and to publically publish what I write. I may not be the best when it comes to punctuation or grammar, but I’m not going to let that stop me. Nor am I going to let the thoughts of other people, like my family and friends, stop me either.
But for now, that is all.
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You can check out my last post here: I HAVE STARTED YOUTUBE!
Until Next Time!
– T x